im drinking this country out of the recession.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
