i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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