Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
