you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
