the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
