Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
