I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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