What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
