So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
