Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
