Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
