Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I know her cup size but not her name....
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