Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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