We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
