we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
