i don't like sucking hair
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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