his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
