You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
