woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
