Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Found the puke drawer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
