Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
