Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
