Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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