I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
