you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
