when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
