I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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