MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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