i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize