Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
