he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
