I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
