its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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