mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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