I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
