Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
