There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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