Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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