so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
