hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
