I skipped work to stalk him.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
