I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
