It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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