isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
