Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
