take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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