they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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