I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
