i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
