my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
