so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
