Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
