when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
