We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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