Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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