It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
