nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
