She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
