Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
