Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
