Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
someone owes me an orgasm
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize