so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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