and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
