I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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