I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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