Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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